1. You lose arguments with inanimate objects.

2. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off.

3. Your job is interfering with your drinking.

4. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol.

5. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.

6. You believe that alcohol is the elusive 5th food group.

7. You can focus better with one eye closed.

8. Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.

9. Mosquitoes get a buzz after attacking you.

10. Roseanne looks good