A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion about his drinking had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the husband sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "In-laws." On his science quiz a student wrote the following answer:
"Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water." Is this a predictor of what is to come?
A drunk fell into an open grave in the middle of winter and was calling out, "Help. I'm freezing!" Another drunk wandered by and called down, "No wonder.... you kicked all your dirt off."
Two drunks were walking along a railroad track. One says, "All these stairs are killing me." The other says, "It's not the stairs that kill me, it's these low railings."
A drunk staggering in the street was struck by a passing car. The driver slammed on the brakes, jumped out and looking back at the drunk shouted, Look out!" The drunk raised his head and asked, "Why? You gonna back up?"
A drunken guy was driving down a one way street the wrong way, a cop stopped him and asked "didn't you see the arrows?" The drunk driver replied "Arrows, Hell I didn't even see the Indians."
A drunk was walking through the woods when he found a skull. The first thing He did was call the police. But then He got curious about it. He picked it up, and started wondering who this person was, and why this person had deer horns.