I have received your question and will try to respond to it later tonight. It would be helpful for me to know a little more about what happens every 2-3 weeks prior to your relapses. You sound motivated, like you want recovery, but something keeps going wrong. Can you tell me more?
You are far from hopeless and are already doing many of the right things. Quitting cocaine is tough, I know, it was my drug of choice. But recovery can be yours.
Thanks for writing back!
During the week I have no cravings, But On Friday's they become so strong. I battle with the insane thoughts every Friday. I go to an AA meeting on Friday nights and then go to a diner with a couple of friends after the meeting. On the way home from the diner I wind up purchasing coke. This is my pattern of drug use now.
It's now Monday morning and I have so much guilt that I used Friday night. I see a counselor on Wed. but how do I tell her I relapsed again? I am so disgusted. How can I get through a Friday night without getting high?
Cravings and urges to use are a part of the disease. Effective management of them is part of recovery. To get back into recovery I think you need to start with the basics. Getting honest with your couselor is esential. Asking for help by surrounding yourself with safe people, particularly on Fridays. You may also want to limit any access to cash, so that you can't make a purchase. Walk the walk and you will get there.