I really don't know where to begin, forgiveness is such a big subject. If you believe that God forgives you, you are well on the way and asking Him to teach you how to forgive yourself also will help.

I can only share my experience. I had to identify all the road blocks that stood in the way
of forgiving myself. I had to start by removing all the things that stood in the way of
accepting myself - the good, the bad, and the ugly. One huge roadblock for me was
continuing to play God myself. I was my own judge, jury and executioner. I was taking on
God's role and punishing myself for all that I had done wrong. I had to stop playing God
and learn to become His child. I had to ask myself if I would forgive others in the program for doing the things I had done. The answer was always - yes! Of course, I did not judge them harshly like I did myself. I could see that their behavior and choices were made in their active addiction. I could see that they were not perfect. I had to stop expecting perfection of myself. This always led to me feeling like a failure.

Once I learned to accept myself, I had to begin to cjange the things I could change. Steps 4-7 are about learning to change what I could about myself. Finally, I had to put myself on the list of people I had harmed and had to make amends to myself. This is where the forgiveness really started to take hold. Yet, if I am honest, what has really allowed me to forgive myself is living a clean life. It takes time but you are worth it. There are a number of good books on the subject. I would be happy to suggest some if you are interested. Also you may want to read in the AA Big Book pp. - 70, 86 and the Twelve and Twelve pp. - 57, 58, 65, 78.

May you find His peace,

John